Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Italian wedding test.

Posted: 01/30/2011 in humor
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister.  


My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.

She said, ‘I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.’

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord… And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.’

And the moral of this story is:

While in Italy or with Italians keep your condoms ready in your car.

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Father, Which one ?

Posted: 01/27/2011 in humor
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

Then the woman’s husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.

The little Boy says: “Dark in here.”
The Man says: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s outside, I’ll call him if you don’t buy it!”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: “$1,000.”

A few weeks later it happened again, and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have soccer boots.”
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: “How much?”
The Boy says :”$5,000.”
The Man says: “Fine, I will buy them.”

A few days later, the Father says to the boy: “Grab your ball and boots, let’s go outside and have a game.”
The Boy says: “I can’t, I sold them for $ 6,000.”
The Father says: “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… $ 6,000 is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your “SINS.”

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The Boy says: “Dark in here.”
The Priest says: “Don’t start that again!”

THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER’S HOUSE !*

U.S. VERSION :-
——————–

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs &dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or

shelter so he dies out in the cold.

INDIAN VERSION: –
——————-

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed, while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’shouse.

Medha Patkar goes on a hunger strike along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper.

The opposition stages a walkout in Parliament and demands an apology from Sonia Gandhi.

Left parties call for a “Bharat Bandh” in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in West Bengal immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Mamata Banerjee allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway

Trains, aptly named as the ‘Grasshopper Rath’.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ‘Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act’ [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.Arjun Singh makes ‘Special Reservation’ for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it’s home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it “A Triumph of Justice.”

Lalu-Mulayam call it “Socialistic Justice.”

CPM calls it the “Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden.”

The Grasshopper is invited to address the UN General Assembly.
.
.
Many years later…
——————-

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley.

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite 100 % reservation  in India. As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers,  India is still a developing country!!!

(Courtesy to a friend of mine.)